A History of Bad Cinema Volume 3: The Core

I know this a newer movie, and you should always wait five years before declaring something a classic of bad cinema. But The Core is the exception to the rule. This film vaunted into new classic status the day it opened in theaters. Years from now people will look back at this film as the start of a new generation of bad cinema.

The basic set up of the film is this: the Earth's core has stopped spinning, causing the magnetic field produced by the spinning core to start to break down. So of course this lets in radiation from space that kills people with pacemakers and melts bridges and cities. Its up to a rag tag team of scientists to delve into the core and set off a series of nuclear blasts to set the core spinning again. All of this is of course scientifically accurate I think. No wait I think the term I was looking for was completely full of shit. Yeah that's it.

Bad Cinema has to contain at least two of the following: bad dialog, ludicrous plotting, shoddy sets, no regard for reality of continuity and horrible acting and or overacting. Just two of those can get you into the Bad Cinema realm. The Core fires on all cylinders. Its amazing. Lets review:

BAD DIALOG: Few films have made me laugh out loud in the theater more than this one. Some prime examples:

"Imagine this peach is the Earth, and this spray can is the Sun's radiation"

"My God, it's like a crystal Grand Canyon!"

PILOT: I'm dodging diamonds the size of Rhode Island. SCIENTIST: Grab me one, will ya?

"The Earth is healing itself!"

LUDICROUS PLOTTING: The entire scenario is ludicrous. But even better, they have a limited amount of time to put together a plan to get the core spinning again. So they get together all the resources and equipment in a couple months. Makes sense.

Now you may ask, isn't the inside of the Earth very, very hot? Yes it is. So how could any vehicle go through that? Well The Core answers that question by inventing a ship made out of, get this, Unobtainium. This is a super-magical material that actually gets stronger as the heat and pressure put upon it increases. I am no science major, but even I know this is hogwash.

SHODDY SETS: The Core almost avoids this one. That is until the aforementioned Crystal Grand Canyon, which resembles something Kirk and Spock would have traversed in the original Star Trek. Its a gigantic geode. All the girls i knew in school that loved Lisa Frank Notebooks and unicorns would have killed for a geode like that.

NO REGARD FOR REALITY OF CONTINUITY: Ok, so let us suspend disbelief for a moment and say that all the crap that is impossible in this movie is possible. Even then things happen which make no sense. If the Earth's magnetic field failed, wouldn't it fail en masse? Well not in this movie where holes open up that allow laser beams of super hot radiation to pinpoint locations like the Golden Gate Bridge and other things that look cool while melting.

HORRIBLE ACTING OR OVERACTING: There is some brilliant overacting in this movie. That is amazing since the cast includes a two time Oscar winner (Hillary Swank, who obviously took the role to pay off a mortgage) and such respected actors as Aaron Eckhart, Alfre Woodard, Richard Jenkins, Stanley Tucci and Delroy Lindo. The overacting winner here is Tucci, as Dr. Zimsky. I think Tucci was going for cheese and he ends up covered in the stuff.

Here is the important part: I enjoyed this movie immensely. Not on the terms it laid out, but as a horrible movie in every way. My two companions and I laughed harder at this movie in the theater than any comedy I have seen in the last five years. Its that bad (good).

PS: I didn't realize until months after the fact that this movie starred Aaron Eckhart. I seriously thought it was Thomas Jane. These guys are totally interchangeable. I feel bad that I went around for months telling people that Thomas Jane was in this horrible film. Sorry Tom.