Third time is no charm

As I sat in the theater last weekend watching X-Men: The Last Stand, two things came to mind:

1. Superman Returns will have to make me crap my pants if I am ever to forgive Bryan Singer for abandoning this trilogy and leaving it in such dismal shape.

2. Why does the third movie in a trilogy always betray characters by dumbing them down?

The first thought I could go on about forever. But enough has been said about the awfulness of the film. But I have been thinking a lot about the second thing. In the third X-Men movie some of the main characters experience this de-coolification. Professor X goes from being an understanding chap to a rude and abrupt asshole who seems to hate Wolverine all the sudden. Magneto betrays his character completely by abandoning Mystique without a moments hesitation.

What the hell?

In X2 Magneto and Mystique are as close as an elderly gay mutant and scaly shape shifter can be. And then all the sudden because she is no longer the same as he, its over? What a load of crap.

Ugh and Wolverine. The line "Re-grow those," took him down about 7 notches.

So in this spirit here are some other characters who suffer in the third chapter of a trilogy.

MARCUS BRODY & SALAH - INDIANA JONES AND THE LAST CRUSADE: Remember how Brody was a smart and capable man in Raiders of the Lost Ark? And how Salah was resourceful and a key ally in the same film? Well apparently the screenwriters forgot all of this when the third film came around. Brody must have developed a neurological disorder because there is no way he is smart enough to be a professor of antiquities. To watch him bumble around like a helpless infant is sad. If you were lucky enough to get Denholm Elliot in your film, why waste him? Same goes for Salah. Here he is a stereotype, a raving man scared of the littlest thing. What a waste.

HAN SOLO IN RETURN OF THE JEDI - Wait I am seeing a pattern here. Stupid George Lucas.

I guess this one was inevitable. Han didn't give a shit for two movies, what with shooting Greedo and taking the Millennium Falcon on spin through the asteroid field. Jabba must have injected him with wimp juice while in the carbonite, cause suddenly Han cares and is not better off for it. Harrison Ford wanted Solo to die in this movie as he felt it the next logical step. I couldn't agree more.

EVERY CHARACTER IN THE MATRIX REVOLUTIONS - Still trying to figure this one out.

DR. MCCOY IN STAR TREK 3: THE SEARCH FOR SPOCK: A shocking transformation here. The beloved ships doctor is suddenly and inexplicably a make-up wearing gay man. Watch an early scene in a bar and be baffled and shocked as Bones tries to pick up on a male alien and then becomes enraged when his advances are spurned. I wouldn't have minded this if Bones had been gay all along, but he is for 1/2 a film and then never again in the series. Very confusing.

MICHAEL CORLEONE IN THE GODFATHER PART 3: Not much Pacino could have done here. A lot of it has to do with the fact that having Robert Duvall and James Caan next to you makes you seem cooler than George Hamilton. Its a simple fact.

There are notable exceptions. Aragorn became cooler in part three (but the text was written as one so it kind of doesn't count), Bruce Willis was the same as ever in Die Hard With a Vengeance. Even Lucas improved his characters in Revenge of the Sith, although it should be pointed out there was nowhere to go but up. Lets just say that if Peter Parker cries all the time and starts collecting stamps in Spider Man 3, I am going to be pissed.