A History of Bad Cinema Volume 4: If Looks Could Kill

Look at the picture to the left. Lets count how many things are wrong with it.

1. First off, what the hell is wrong with Richard Grieco's face? Is just me or does he look like he should be on Fraggle Rock? There is an unnatural softness to it. Plus it is oddly shiny, not Renee Zellwegger shiny mind you, but I don't like weird shine. It makes me question a persons character.

2. Despite looking as good as he did from any point during the period covering 1985 - 1999, Roger Daltry still looks ridiculous. If at any point in your professional life you have worn a suede vest with fringe and no shirt underneath, you cannot try and play tough by posing with a gun. Sorry it can't happen. I understand Roger has tried to be an actor since the Who have not been viable in any form since 1979, and I say that as a huge Who fan, but can't he just live in the English countryside and stopping trying to act?

(side note: it's weird that both the Who and David Bowie had their last great triumphs in 1979. Have two huge acts like those two ever just stopped being good at the same time like they did? Maybe Keith Moon was as invaluable as everyone assumed. (side side note: don't get on my case about Bowie or bring up Let's Dance. That doesn't fly with me.))

3. Back to Grieco. You are supposed to be a bad ass. Stop smiling like you just got your tummy rubbed by your mommy. I can't believe so many people had their money on this guy in the 'Who will be the biggest start to come out of 21 Jump Street' sweepstakes. How were so many people so wrong? Its like the time I traded a Ken Griffey Jr. Upper Deck rookie card for a Dwight Smith rookie card. I apologize to non baseball fans for that, but trust me it was stupid.

4. It looks like Daltry is about to shoot Grieco in the head. Actually I like that part of the picture.

I only saw this movie once, when it came out in the theater. I don't have any desire to ever see it again. I honestly don't remember much about it other than a lot of shooting at a castle with high school kids. I think the lady who played Fraiser's wife on Cheers was in it too.

But this piece of Bad Cinema holds a special place in my heart. It is the first film I honestly remember thinking, 'wow that was bad'. I was taken to the movie by a babysitter who lived with us for 7 months (don't ask) and I think she was bored. The movie started late, and when I inquired as to why she said "maybe the projectionist is getting laid". I had no idea what that meant, assuming it was code for falling asleep or something.

Up to that point I had seem plenty of movies in the theater and had only had one bad experience: A Fish Called Wanda (Lets just say as a seven yearold, the killing of one dog in a movie was enough to send me running from the theater in tears. It happened 3 times in Fish) So something that was just bad was a new experience to me. It made me not want to see bad movies and therefore read reviews and become educated about what I was going to see. So in a way this piece of shit was what made me love movies. I doubt many people can say that about anything staring the Grieco.